The things that move us along
by Chia-writes
Summary: Post 2x19 fic- my thoughts on what happened immediately after the episode and how they deal with everything.


Season threes got me going insane so im coping by focusing on season 2-filling in blanks and stuff… I still have nine millions feels about them waiting so long to say 'I love you'.

Ive added an element of ep3x02- going in to what I think alex and maggies greatest fears would be- I think the show could have done a lot more with that theme but oh well.

This is one of the many headcanons I have of how things could have played out post 2x19- I got a request to do this so kara if youre still around I hope you like it!

They eventually got home from the DEO after Alex had had another round of checks and had insisted that she was going to go home. She had been given leave from work for a week and had been advised three days of best rest. And Maggie had managed to get a few days off too.

The journey home in the car was mostly quiet. They were both exhausted and had a lot on their minds and in their hearts. Maggie just wanted to get Alex home. She hardly let go of Alex- whether it was an arm around her waist or a hand on her lower back, she just needed that constant contact-and Alex needed it too. They stayed close in the car- Maggie's arms around Alex and Alex's head resting on Maggie's shoulder.

When they got to the apartment, Alex took a moment to just take it all in. She had been there just yesterday- and it was almost exactly how she had left it- but it was strange to look at it now after all that had happened- to come back to the serenity of it. She felt such a relief to be back in her own space with Maggie right beside her when only hours ago she had thought she wasn't going to make it.

Maggie took her time hanging up her jacket, allowing Alex as much time as she needed to gather herself. She watched Alex carefully, eventually coming over to help her take her jacket and boots off. Alex went to the bathroom, after telling Maggie with a soft smile that she would be okay on her own.

Maggie went to the kitchen to get some water and stood there under the dim lights in the quietness.

She had been strong up until now because she had blocked everything out expect the thought of saving Alex- but now that everything was over and she had a minute to just think about everything, she couldn't control the emotions that threatened to overcome her at the thought of what could have happened. She braced herself against the kitchen counter, taking deep breaths, reminding herself that Alex was okay, that she was alive.

She went to the bedroom and tried to busy herself with clearing some things up- she was feeling too restless to just sit down.

Alex soon came back from the bathroom and started to get changed and Maggie turned to her, looking at Alex's slow movements as she tried to get out of her top.

"Let me help you," she said gently, coming over to Alex.

Alex turned around with a surrendering smile, allowing Maggie to help her. Alex's heart fluttered at Maggie's carefulness, the softness of her touch and her concentrated expression. Maggie wordlessly helped Alex get changed, feeling too much to say anything. She was scared she would break down in front of Alex and she didn't want to do that, she just wanted Alex to rest and to get some rest herself if she was able to.

Once Alex was dressed, she went to settle into bed and Maggie put Alex's clothes away, using the few seconds to try and collect herself. Alex watched Maggie's serious expression as she went about the room- she could tell Maggie was lost in her thoughts and all she wanted to do was get Maggie out of her head.

"Hey," she said softly and Maggie looked up at Alex's concerned expression and let a tired smile come through. She walked around to Alex's side of the bed and sat down next to her, smoothing the cover over Alex, taking her hand in hers.

"You comfortable?"

Alex nodded with a small smile and Maggie marvelled at the fact that Alex somehow still managed to look more beautiful than anyone she had ever seen, even after everything. They looked at each other a moment and there were so many things that still needed to be said but Maggie knew they both needed to rest. They both had had too much for one day.

Maggie leaned down to press a light kiss to Alex's forehead, lingering a moment just to take her in and Alex gulped at the way that small kiss squeezed at her heart. Maggie leaned back the slightest bit to look down into Alex's tired eyes which were looking back up at her so openly. Maggie didn't let her gaze linger for too long because she knew she wouldn't be able to control her emotions.

She looked down between them and straightened a little bit to sit up "Get some rest," she said softly and Alex's eyebrows furrowed.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna sleep on the couch."

Alex let out a sound of protest. "Maggie don't be ridiculous." It's what the doctor had suggested but Maggie couldn't possibly be taking it seriously.

Maggie looked at her softly, wanting her to understand. "You're still sore and I don't want to hurt you."

And Alex softened at that, moving her arms up around Maggie's thighs to take her hand back in hers. "You won't," she said as if she could never imagine Maggie hurting her.

Maggie moved to stand up but Alex held onto Maggie's hand, not letting her get far. "Maggie," she said simply and it was so soft, so open- in that way that Maggie could never deny.

Maggie looked down at her reluctantly but allowed Alex to pull her closer to her and Alex took the opportunity to pull her almost on top of her.

Maggie had to brace her hands against the bed so that her weight didn't fall on top of Alex. "Alex,' she said softly. "What are you doing?"

Alex held her at her waist. "Are you really going to let us sleep apart tonight?"

Maggie sighed- she wanted nothing more than to be as close to Alex as possible. "I don't want to but the doctor-"

"I don't care what the doctor said," Alex stopped her with a soft intensity. She brought her hands around Maggie's body. And her touch and tone was serious and full of love. "I just need you here with me."

Maggie stopped fighting and sighed, their faces were so close and Maggie looked into Alex's eyes and Alex was looking at Maggie so intensely and surely. Alex's eyes slipped to Maggie's lips just for a second and Maggie saw her gulp and in that moment she couldn't resist what she had been wanting to do ever since Alex had woken up in the hospital bed. Maggie leaned down and kissed her- she took Alex's lips in hers as gently as she could manage in that moment- which was gentle at first but quickly turned desperate as Alex pulled her in closer. Maggie forgot herself as soon as their lips touched and she just let her emotions finally come out- she pushed into Alex, opening her mouth in need.

And Alex grasped Maggie's shoulders then the back of her neck. Maggie was kissing her so desperately, as if it might be the last- sighing and gasping into her mouth and it made Alex's heart constrict with love and want. She pushed into the kiss, tilting her head as Maggie guided it.

She felt a twinge of pain in her arm and flinched and Maggie immediately pulled away but Alex tried to keep her close.

"I'm okay, don't stop," she implored, her breathing heavy, fighting past the pain and pulling Maggie back in.

But Maggie stopped her, resting her head against Alex's because Alex wouldn't let her get further than that. They were quiet for a moment, eyes closed, only the sound of their heavy breathing in their ears until Alex heard Maggie choke out a sob. Alex's heart lurched in her chest and she pulled Maggie in to hug her- she had never heard Maggie make such a devastating sound. "Maggie- it's okay-"

And Maggie shook her head against her- she couldn't hold it back anymore. "You almost died Alex…I thought you were dead- I…' Maggie was picturing the image of Alex floating in the tank and she was overwhelmed at the intensity of her feelings- the fear of losing Alex was crippling.

Alex held her against her. "But I didn't, I'm here…I'm here…" And Alex knew why she was- what Maggie had done. "You saved me."

Alex had had many close calls but this time it felt different. It felt scarier, like she had more to lose- because she did have more to lose- _so_ much more. Her will to survive was stronger than it had ever been and that was because of Maggie- and it made everything she went through so much more terrifying.

Maggie moved off of Alex to sit beside her and Alex sat up too, and they turned to face each other. Alex reached out to wipe gently at Maggie's tear-stained cheeks with her thumb. They had to talk- _really_ talk about what had happened.

"What you did- breaking him out-" Alex started.

And Maggie lowered her head- she had gone directly against what Alex had said. She knew what she had done was the opposite of what Alex believed in. "Alex- I'm sorry-" she started to apologise even though she would have done the exact same thing again given the chance.

"No, I don't want you to apologise," Alex stopped her. She couldn't expect Maggie to apologise. Things like this were always so complicated- and she was realising that feelings made things so much harder. And Maggie had managed to get her out alive and everyone was safe- Alex couldn't possibly let Maggie apologise for that.

Maggie looked at Alex. "You were going to give yourself up for Supergirl," she said. Her heart ached at the thought but that's what being with Alex meant.

Alex looked at her-not needing to reply as it hadn't been a question. It's what she had always done but it was becoming harder now- it wasn't the same as before when she didn't care about anything as much as Kara- when she would choose Kara over herself and everyone around them. But now she did have someone she cared about as much as Kara.

Alex's mind was whirring as that thought crossed her mind-of having to choose between Maggie and Kara. It wasn't like she hadn't thought of it before but she hadn't let herself dwell on it- it was too painful. But it had gotten to the point where they had to talk about these things- where they had to be prepared to make the hardest choices.

Alex's heart ached at the thought. "If I had to choose between you and Kara-" she got out.

And Maggie looked up at Alex- at her pained expression. Maggie wanted to get rid of that look, she wanted Alex to know that she understood- as painful as it was, she understood what Alex felt she had to do. "You would choose her," she said gently, full of sympathy, "I understand that… Supergirl's bigger than us."

Alex felt her throat tighten and she shook her head. It felt like her heart wanted to break- at the fact that Maggie somehow understood this part of her so well and accepted it- that Maggie knew what Alex felt she had to do.

But Alex had learnt the hard way that what you thought you should do and what you actually did when it really came down to it were two different things. And Alex didn't know what she would do if it came to choosing between Maggie and Kara. And she felt selfish for even thinking it- thinking that she would ever hesitate over who to choose between Kara and anybody else- but she _was_ hesitating. And that's the biggest change that had occurred within Alex since finding Maggie- since finding love. It had changed ideas within herself that she had held for so long- ideas that had been her only grounding source and driving force for all these years- to keep Kara safe.

And that's why she shook her head- because the answer that Maggie gave for Alex as if it was so simple- wasn't actually that simple for Alex anymore and it terrified her.

The thought affected her so much that she couldn't put it into words- she just shook her head, hoping Maggie would understand. It was her biggest fear having to choose between Maggie and Kara and she desperately hoped that the universe would never be so cruel as to put her in that position.

Her thoughts turned to Maggie and what she had been through today. They had been lucky in saving her- but if it came to Maggie _really_ having to choose between her and Kara, she had to know that Maggie would do the right thing.

It was easier to focus on putting Kara before herself than to think about having to choose between Maggie and Kara. She pushed her tears down and turned to Maggie. "If you ever have to choose between me and Kara-' She left the sentence hanging but the meaning clear. Maggie looked at her and then exhaled, looking away from Alex, pained. Alex couldn't possibly be asking her this- she couldn't possibly be.

"Maggie..." Alex pleaded. She felt utterly selfish asking Maggie for this when she couldn't manage to think about it herself. But they had to discuss it, as hard as it was. And this was the only answer she had ever had- putting Kara before herself was all she knew. But this time- seeing the look on Maggie's face- it didn't really feel like she was doing the right thing- it felt wrong.

"Alex— _please_ don't ask me this," Maggie got out- her voice was pained, eyes filling with tears again and it felt like something was stabbing her in the heart. She didn't know if she could be that selfless. "I can't- without you." Her mouth didn't let her form the word _live_ but that's how she felt. And she realised today how true it was- what she was willing to do to save Alex. Because the thought of life without Alex was something she couldn't bear.

Alex was asking her to save Kara over her. She expected Maggie to choose Kara over her and it killed Maggie- it killed Maggie that Alex valued Kara's life above her own. Maggie didn't believe saving Supergirl over anyone else was for the greater good-a life was a life- even a super one. But Alex _did_ believe that- and Maggie wasn't going to argue about that with Alex- especially right now. She didn't think Alex could change her belief in that. And Maggie didn't expect her to. But Maggie knew that she couldn't make herself share Alex's thinking. And Maggie didn't know if Alex would ever forgive her if she chose her over Kara and that's what made this so hard- it's the only thing that made her think twice about what she would do.

"I-" Maggie tried to get her words out but she didn't know what to say to explain herself.

And Alex couldn't stand to see the anguish on Maggie's face- Maggie was trying so hard to understand her, to compromise- to the point of going against her own strongest convictions.

Alex ducked her head and her tears started to fall as she thought about what Maggie was going through. She hated that she put Maggie through this. "I'm sorry."

Maggie reached for her. "What?"

Alex looked up and her eyebrows were furrowed in pain. "I'm sorry that being with me means _this_ \- that our life can't be normal."

And Maggie shook her head. She loved their life-who they were and what they did. Yes- she hated this part of it- but that's what it meant to be with Alex and she wouldn't change that for a simpler life. She leaned closer to her, looking her directly in the eye, "I would choose this with you over anything and anyone-over _everything_." She took Alex's face into her hands. "I _love_ you," she choked out, the words making her heart thump and eyes glisten at her ability to say it. Her heart felt like it was going to burst- it was the sweetest kind of pain- she had never meant those words more than she did now.

And Alex started crying again. She pulled Maggie into her and gripped her tight, exhaling around her sobs- and Maggie held her as her sobs eased, trying to gather herself too.

Alex leaned back to look at her with teary eyes- ' _I love you'_ and Maggie's lips trembled a little at Alex's intensity. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to tell you that," Alex admitted. She couldn't pinpoint the time she had realised- she just knew that she knew it now and had felt it for a long time. And if she hadn't gotten the chance to tell Maggie she would have never forgiven herself. All the reasons why she had waited so long to tell her seemed so trivial now. She wasn't going to let anything stop her now. "I'm gonna tell you every day," she breathed out.

And Maggie exhaled at Alex's breathless promise and her stomach filled with butterflies- it was such a youthful exclamation it made Maggie feel like they were two teenagers promising forever. Her heart was thumping in her chest but she managed to tease. "Yeah?...that a promise?" Her voice was still raspy from the tears and Alex laughed through hers at Maggie's words.

"Yeah."

And they just looked at each other, the heaviness of the day showing in their tired, tearstained eyes. But they were both smiling softly nonetheless- because they were together- and more in love than ever.

Maggie brought her hand to Alex's face, her thumb lightly caressing under her eye. "You need to rest," she said softly and Alex brought her hand over Maggie's that was against her cheek, and turned to kiss Maggie's palm.

"I'm not going to be able to sleep without you," she breathed out against her palm.

Maggie's eyes softened and she let out a small breath- after all that had been said she couldn't deny Alex- and she didn't want to either. "Let me just get changed," she said softly and Alex nodded with a small smile.

Maggie got out of the bed to find sleeping clothes for herself in Alex's drawers and Alex watched her all the while. Maggie could sense Alex's eyes on her and she wasn't one to feel shy about getting undressed in front of Alex but she did right now- with Alex looking at her so unabashedly. Maggie took of her jeans and Alex's eyes followed as her skin was revealed. It wasn't just a lust filled look- it was a look of pure love- of wanting to just look at Maggie and marvel at the fact that she was there- that she existed.

Maggie would have just slept in her underwear but she knew that Kara was going to come in the morning so she had to get dressed. She chose one of Alex's oversized t-shirts and shorts and Alex's heart still skipped a beat seeing Maggie in her clothes- at how soft she looked.

Maggie came back over to the bed and got under the covers and they leaned towards each other, sharing a pillow- and they just breathed each other in. Alex moved her head closer so that it was touching Maggie's, their noses nuzzling together- the intimacy of the moment filling their hearts. Alex pushed Maggie's hair behind her ear, stroking her fingers through it, watching as Maggie closed her eyes at the soothing sensations.

Maggie's hand were resting between them, purposely avoiding putting any weight on Alex and Alex just took Maggie's hand, bringing it around her body and Maggie didn't object, allowing Alex to do whatever she needed- Maggie needed it too.

They lay like that, quietly breathing each other in until their tired eyes soon lulled in to sleep.


End file.
